Windows of Opportunity

About two years ago, at Shira’s suggestion, I worked with Dale Swan. Her fabulous work with Tibetan bowls physically changed my energetic vibration in a positive way.

Shortly after we started working together, she was diagnosed with a cancer recurrence. This time around, the diagnosis shook her at her core, and she stopped work to focus on healing.

We connected very occasionally, and each time, I witnessed her struggling more and more. I heard it in our brief phone conversations, could feel it in her emails messages and once, when I ran into her, I saw that she did not have the strength of life force and the confidence that one has when you are feeling well and grounded. To me, she felt smaller and scared, and it scared me.

After that, she sent an email to me saying that writing would help her, but she was unable to get any words out. Could I work with her on that? For a million reasons, I never did get back to her, and we didn’t communicate again.

In recent months, I have been thinking of her and feeling her presence in the way that I feel when people have died. I was afraid to check and kept pushing the feelings away. But recently, I woke in the middle of the night, again with her presence so strong around me. I couldn’t get back to sleep until I googled her name.

And yes, she had died.

I read her obituary. I checked out her website, and I re-read our old email correspondence.

I got to learn all these other dimensions of Dale, like her work with the Indigenous Grandmothers and as an ordained minister, and I was sorry that I didn’t get to explore those with her when she was alive. I was sad that I didn’t step into the opportunity to help her write again.

She did indeed drop into an abyss, but as I read more, I learned that she rose out of it to write again. A few months after she wrote to me, she had a breakthrough and her writing started to flow. She got to record her story for her children and her grandchildren in a way that was powerful for her and, I hope, for them.

I read as her voice grew stronger and she regained her grounding. Learning this made me feel a little less guilty about not stepping up.

Bigger than that, though, I paused in wonder at how, if we are supposed to be doing something, God will somehow provide that window and the support. We may need to be patient, but the opening will appear and we can choose what to do.

For whatever it is that would help you to grow into who you would like to be, I pray that the right openings present themselves and that you are able to see them and step into them. And I am grateful for the openings that I have been given, and for my strength in stepping into the ones that I have. It always changes my life.

Love,
Marie

The reverberation of my time with John of God

Thank you for all your prayers and support. I am fully convinced that there are greater powers at work, and I appreciate that you tap into that to help me. Thank you.

I took last week off chemo to go see John of God at Omega in Rhinebeck, NY. Because I took a week off early in September, I was a little nervous about taking this week off as well. But I also know that when I see John of God and the entities who work with him, I experience positive and unexpected changes.

So off I went.

I arrived at Omega with specific intentions in mind so that I could be clear during the many hours of meditation and prayer.

Rather than describe the experience, I’ll share some of the outcomes.

But first, I will share a little background. The first time I went to see John of God (in Brazil), my primary intention was to be healed of tumors. (My summary of that trip is here. If you want to read more about it, I have more details starting on July 30 in that same blog.)  When I returned home, friends asked if I was upset that I wasn’t “healed.” But I felt great. Compared to a few weeks before, I was softer, happier, less judgmental. I felt like layers of yucky feelings had been removed from me. Maybe I still had the tumors, but I also had my life back. That was worth even more.

Because of that experience, I bring my own intentions but trust that the best things will happen.

And yes, one of my intentions was to remove the tumors, and specifically, the tumor in my belly button.

Here is what I experienced:

• On Tuesday afternoon, I had the start of a bowel obstruction. I could barely move. By now, I know the gig for these: I’m up all night, in pain and vomiting, until everything frees itself. But this time, I lay in bed (still feeling intense waves of pain) and FELL ASLEEP. That has NEVER happened before. When I woke in the morning, the pain was gone and the obstruction was freed. Immense gratitude!
• On Wednesday, I felt the belly button tumor. Doing that gives me the heebie-jeebies, but I need to know if there is any change. It wasn’t there. In place of that small, hard ball was soft mushy skin. Hmm. I checked again on Thursday. And Friday, and Saturday. I’m still not sure what to make of that.
• The opening in my belly button is barely noticeable.
• When I skip a week of chemo, I am usually in more pain that second week and my energy level is low. But right now, I’m actually in less pain that I have been in years. I can lift grocery bags and move the dryer. I had the energy to attend a religious service, go to the grocery store, and cook two full meals, all in a good mood!

Plus, one more fun event that happened after I arrived home, totally unrelated to health.

I bought these Birkenstocks, wore them once, and left them in the car.

Birkenstocks

Recently, I noticed there was only one on the floor of my car. I looked through the car and the house. I asked my husband and kids. No sign of it anywhere. I hate losing things, especially brand new things.

The shoe was missing long enough that I considered throwing away its mate, but I didn’t.

On Saturday, I drove one of our sons to his friend’s house. My husband usually does this, but I was feeling great and wanted to go. I had never been to the house and was driving slowly to find it when our son said, “His house is right there, the one with the fence that has your shoe on it.”

He was very matter-of-fact, like this happens every day. Ha ha, I thought, funny.

When we walked to the house, I examined the shoe. It was the same style and color, the right size, and even the right foot. Hmm, maybe I’ll keep it, I thought. I can use it. It was even brand new. It felt just like mine.

Once in the house, I asked my friend about the shoe. She had found it on the sidewalk in front of her house. They considered throwing it away, but it was brand new, so thought they would put it on the fence. Maybe whoever lost it would come looking for it. It had been on that fence long enough that they again considered throwing it away. But they didn’t.

I was just thrilled.

But I had never been to the house. How did it get there? We figured that my husband drove my car there, and it somehow fell onto the sideway. Possible.

I’m just giddy that all the pieces fell into place and I have my pair of shoes together again! (Now I just need the warm weather to return.)

On another note (literally), I attended a beautiful Humanistic Judaism service at Kahal B’raira. I wanted to share this song with you, especially the words in bold, because I so appreciate the way you share the source of strength deep within you.

Song: Makom hako’ach

            Makom hako’ach b’tocheinu,
            M’korot ha-b’racha m’chevroteinu.

           May the source of strength
           That dwells so deep within us,
           Help us find the courage to make our lives a blessing,
           And let us say: shalom.

            Makom hako’ah b’tocheinu,
            M’korot ha-b’rakha m’chevroteinu.

           Bless those in need of healing with refuah sh’leima
           The renewal of body, the renewal of spirit,
           And let us say: shalom.

– Debbie Friedman
Adapted by J. Falick, M. Jerris , and A. Chalom

Blessings and love,
Marie