Energy boost

After the last chemo, I laid around for more days than I would like. My energy was low and I didn’t have much to write; each day looked like the one before it.

Despite my low ability to get around, we decided to go ahead with a planned trip to Naples, Florida. Last Tuesday, with quite a bit of help, I was able to travel with my family. Once we arrived, I spent the first two days in bed while they explored the beach and pool. For me, it was more of the same, just new surroundings, but the kids were having fun and it was nice to have some new scenery.

A friend of mine, a wonderful woman I met on one of my trips to see John of God in Abadiania, Brazil, lives in Naples. She had JUST returned to town (again from Abadiania, Brazil) and texted me on Wednesday morning that, that very night, there would be a crystal bowl meditation with a focus on the Divine Mother. Did I want to go?

Wow. Crystal bowls, meditation and Divine Mother. Any one of those would get me there. Yes.

With some effort, I got dressed, put on make-up and made my way downstairs, where my friend picked me up.

The meditation was being held in a salt cave. More coolness (even literally). We arrived early so that I could sit near the large crystal gifted to the owner from John of God and the entities. (That is a story in itself.)

Before the session began, the owner showed my friend and me some of the bowls she would be playing, and I suddenly felt Shira beside me, smiling and laughing. Of course. Shira was the first one to introduce me to crystal bowls and sound healing, and she owned a few that she played beautifully. They gave her much joy. And another connection: Shira traveled to Brazil with my friend even before I did! I loved feeling her there with both of us.

The meditation lasted about an hour and a half, and afterwards, I got to visit with my friend, staying up later than I had in weeks. These events shifted my energy for the rest of the trip. The next day, I could get out of bed early, leave the room, enjoy the resort, and even eat a couple of real meals of solid food! That may not sound like much, but it was a big shift for me.

I remain surprised and grateful for the things that arise to keep me going. Deep gratitude to my friend for initiating all this.

And I hope that, as you read this, you know that you are on your way to your next energy boost as well. You never know where it will come from, or whose energy you will boost by your thoughtful actions!

Love,
Marie

Forgiveness

Thank you for all your good feelings and good wishes last week. It helped so much. By Monday afternoon, I was on my way to feeling much better.

I was also on my way to see John of God, who was scheduled to be at the Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, NY. I recovered enough to drive there and, honestly, I believe I was carried there safely by spiritual entities. I am so grateful that I made it, especially because I knew that was where I needed to be at that time.

In the past, each time I saw John of God in Brazil, I experienced lots of fun coincidences. More than that, I walked away changed to my core and receiving at least one big message. I wasn’t sure what to expect from Omega.

The fun coincidences showed up. For example, my friend Kate told me to look for her friend Gillian. In a sea of 1600 people, all of whom were wearing white and doing introspective soul work, what are the odds? But the next day, standing in line, I turned to the woman behind me and said, “You wouldn’t happen to be Kate’s friend, Gillian?” Bingo!

Happily, I can say that I do feel changed as a result of this experience. In fact, I feel wonderful in so many ways. The simplest way to describe it is to say that I feel great peace and health.

Finally, I received a message this time as well: Forgiveness. This word came from many directions and in many forms. The topic came up in random conversations with strangers. People would spontaneously begin discussing ho`oponopono (a Hawaiian forgiveness prayer) with me. I heard that voice in my head that told me that now is time for forgiveness. When we said the Lord’s Prayer, the words “as we forgive those who trespass against us” sounded louder than the rest.

I don’t feel like I harbor any grudges or walk around bearing ill will. I assumed this meant day-to-day forgiveness, like toward people who are inadvertently rude to me or annoying. I got excited – I was up for that! I could be a light of forgiveness, with bad things just bouncing off and away. This would be awesome!

Then I randomly met Donna at lunch. We soon discovered that we not only had mutual interests but a mutual friend. Later, I ran into her again, and she made a comment that went straight to my core and illuminated grudges that I harbor that are so old and so much a part of me that I don’t even realize I am carrying them. These are the kind of grudges that drive my daily behavior, that define who I am. Dropping these grudges would be like cutting out a part of me.

Forgiveness suddenly did not feel so easy or fun.

I know that when I get these messages, I need to listen and act. Not knowing where to start, I began with trust. I asked for help and promised to do the work that is in front of me, even if only one step at a time. Here goes.

With love, gratitude, and, hopefully, the beginning of humble forgiveness,
Marie

 

Waiting for Ig

Thank you for your prayers, both for the chemo working and for the session to be manageable in my life. As chemo weeks go, the recent one was decent. Regardless, I often reach a point in the middle of it all when I feel like it would be much easier to just give in and not go through all this. It is not that I want to kill myself. I just want the suffering to be over.

I’ve never been good at waiting for something to happen. I would often read the last page of a book ahead of time, and now I find that I want to peek at the last page of the story of my life.

In the meantime, my friend Ig came to visit. Basically, he had a 12-hour, overnight layover in Boston, but I was still thrilled that we would get even a bit of time together, and I didn’t want to miss a second of it.

When his flight landed, he texted his arrival and said that he would text again after he passed through customs. I estimated the amount of time he would need and drove to the airport.

After parking my car, I danced my way across the parking lot and into the terminal for international arrivals.

When I usually meet someone at the airport, I scan the sea of people walking toward me, looking for the familiar face. In the international terminal, however, arriving passengers get off their flight then go through customs in some unseen area, then pass through one door to officially emerge into the rest of the U.S.

I stood behind the metal crowd-control barriers and waited for my friend.

Typically, I like to keep busy while I wait. When I anticipate distantly future events, like vacations or special visits, I keep busy with daily life. When I wait for a shorter-term event – a red light, a doctor appointment, a phone call –  I distract myself by checking my cellphone, getting lost in thought or making a mental list.

Right now, though, I kept my eyes and mind focused on that door.

Passengers emerged one-by-one, usually pausing briefly before they continue forward and past the metal barriers to wherever they were headed. As each person passed through the door, my heart leapt with the possibility that it was him. When it wasn’t, my heart sunk, then immediately rose again with fresh anticipation as the next person passed through. In fact, each time my heart sunk, my anticipation rose higher, because with each person who was NOT my friend, I was getting closer to seeing him. It periodically crossed my mind that maybe I missed him somewhere along the line, but mostly, I stayed at-the-ready, focused on connecting with him the instant that he arrived.

Finally, Ig walked through the door carrying his backpack and luggage while I jumped up and down, waving and smiling like a lunatic.

I was thrilled to see him from the second that he arrived. In retrospect, I even enjoyed the uninterrupted, focused anticipation.

It reminded me of being in Brazil and going outside in the dark to watch sunrise. I loved waiting quietly as the sun slowly rose in the sky, watching the colors that meant the actual sun was getting closer, then greeting the day with my heart as the sun rose above the horizon.

As I think about the good feelings from simply waiting, maybe I can use that as I wait for the chemo to clear or for whatever is up next for me. To be honest, I am not quite sure how to use this. Maybe trusting that something great is in my future and I just need to watch each day the same way that I watched each person pass through the door. Maybe simply recognizing that waiting itself is a gift. Maybe some other way that I can’t see just now.

Thank you for waiting with me, for watching each special day, for recognizing the gifts, for trusting the unseen. Thank you for your faith in all that feels good and special and important, in my life and in your own.

Love and blessings,
Marie

Returning the way I started, with some changes

I love it when the universe works in sync.

Two weeks ago, when I boarded the overnight flight to Brazil, my footrest wouldn’t retract fully. A minor complaint in the scheme of things, for sure, but I noticed it. The mechanics were not able to fix it and my choice was to either delay the flight for the repair or take the seat as is. You know me: I took the seat as is.

Last night, when I boarded the overnight flight returning from Brazil, I was assigned a different seat number and….my footrest wouldn’t retract fully. I looked around at the nearby seats and all those were fine, so I laughed out loud. What are the odds? Something bigger was going on, even if it was subtle.

Again the mechanics weren’t able to fix it, but this time, the flight attendants offered me another seat, which I took. My new seat was next to another woman returning from her trip to Abadiania (with a different guide), and we had a fun chat about spirituality and portals before we fell asleep.

I feel like I returned the same way that I came, with the same things that don’t work, EXCEPT that on my return, I was given special physical gifts in the form of a new seat and fun seat mate.

This also helped me to trust that I was also given special spiritual gifts that have yet to be revealed.

So psyched!

Love and blessings,
Marie

The unusual begins to look normal

After seeing John of God (in entity) yesterday and having a spiritual surgery, I had a pretty cool 24 hours in the “spiritual ICU.” I did stay in my room, but it was hard. My emotions ran the gamut, which can be crazy-making.

I’m still pretty wiped out, but saw that Alice in Wonderland piece (above) and it very much captures how I am feeling. Often, I think about something and an answer materializes. For example, I wondered if I should write my own obituary (not that I’m dying, but obviously I think about it from time to time), and then a friend sent me the obituary of a woman who wrote her own. Wild.

AND, I prayed in Current on Friday for a child who has been displaying a particular behavior and on Saturday the behavior abruptly stopped.

AND, I saw another aura.

AND, during my time alone today, I was obsessing over someone here who was making me crazy (and sad). I heard a voice saying that I shouldn’t worry about her, that they are taking care of her. I later found out that she had some pretty intense work going on today.

But wait, there’s more….One day this week, I took off my jewelry before I went to bed, the same way I do every single night. The next morning, I found my Alex and Ani hummingbird bracelet under my pillow. I thought, there is a slight chance that I left it on my bed, but under my pillow? The next day, I learned that someone else in our group found her iPad under her pillow. Tooth fairy entity? ha ha

I took these photos in my bathroom. The sparkles you see are like the sparkles that I occasionally see in my room (no kidding), though I will admit that some of these dots could be toothpaste on the mirror. 🙂 Still, notice the orb and the blue light. In this one, it is by the left side of my head.

In this one, it is by my right elbow.

There are other experiences that I am too tired to write out fully, so will end on a more everyday note…the meals at Frutti’s are HUGE, fresh, delicious and a good value. This is a salad that runs about $5.

Love and blessings,
Marie

Symphony at sunrise in Abadiania

The music begins slowly (beginning not depicted in the video below), gets louder and then energized as the sun rises, finally silencing when the sun is fully risen.

If you are into orbs, you can catch some in here, too.

Typical Tuesday at the Casa

We started the day cutting vegetables for this week’s soup.

Here is a bucket of shu shu, a new vegetable for me. The inside is light green and has the consistency of zucchini, maybe a little more firm. It has one seed in the center. 

Anything with ridges is harder to peel, and shu shu also needs to be cut and the seed removed. I got there early (notice, very few people!)….

…so I was able to find a sharp knife and a peeler (truly rare commodities) and laid claim to a bucket of carrots (easy to peel). That is my blue water bottle, above, and my bucket of carrots, below.

Friends soon arrived to peel with me.

Sam does some creative carving as well!

Once peeled, the carrots are cubed using this tool. A trained professional places the carrot on the grid, then lowers the handle. The carrot cubes drop into a bucket below.

As folks slowly arrive, peeling becomes the morning social gathering.

After peeling veggies, I sat in the garden, went to the waterfall (3rd time – I love it there!), and joined a group doing some truly uplifting spiritual singing (led by three guitar players). So fun!

Tonight, alot of us met up at Frutti’s for dinner and dessert.

Tomorrow, we see John of God again.

Love and blessings,
Marie

Luscious chaos

I took this photo during sunrise one of the first few days of the trip. My eyes were focused on the sun rising over the hills in the background. I felt a little silly when I realized that I didn’t even notice the “junk” in the foreground until I looked at the photo later.

I’ve thought about this photo often in the days since. As you can tell, I seem to find time here, not just to watch the sun rise and set, but to think.

One of my little peeves is how we often, as a culture, isolate beauty. We create areas of beauty separate from areas of work or areas where we live. Consider healing gardens in a hospital (rather than making every room a healing atmosphere for patients), green space in an industrial park or even protected national parks.

We do this with people as well. We inadvertently isolate ourselves from those who are  difficult to deal with or who remind us that there are less attractive aspects of life. We create separate spaces for people with learning differences, physical challenges, or any other unpleasant situation through special classes, homes and hospitals.

In my two weeks here, I feel like the beauty and the ugly are all intertwined. Sitting in the beautiful healing garden, you can hear the activity in the men’s restroom. Looking at the hills, you can see the construction materials. People with illness mingle with people who are more than well.

Coming from the culture I do, I realize that I wonder, why did they build the restroom next to the gardens? I suppose I could turn that around and ask, “Why not?”

Back to the area in the photo. Some of us would focus on only the beautiful background, some would focus on the foreground, some would see it all and get annoyed that the foreground is ruining the background for them, some would even arrange the photos so that you didn’t see the foreground.

Tonight, one of my fellow travelers showed me a photo of his property. I saw a blue tarp in the woods and asked what that was for. “That covers my construction materials,” he said. He admitted that he saw the materials in that same area (pictured above) and was tempted to cover them!

I don’t feel like any approach is better than the other, just different. I don’t even know which I prefer.

And then I got this quote today:

“I’m beginning to think peace is something we made up to keep us from being satisfied with all this luscious chaos.”
-StoryPeople by Brian Andreas

Maybe I just need to sit and be happy in the chaos of it all.

I wish you beauty along with anything that might feel unattractive, ease along with anything that feels hard, and satisfaction and smiles along with any chaos. And always, much pure love.

Marie

Sunrise this morning

I left the hotel at 5:45 a.m. to see the sunrise. Obviously, I wasn’t up late partying the night before.

Before the sunlight even hits the horizon, you can hear the roosters and birds. And there are orbs all around.

As the sky got brighter, monkeys joined the chorus and the orbs seemed to rise with the music and the sun.

The sun finally popped up, sending out warm rays of fiery light.

As the sun rose, it appeared to be rolling out the orbs as well.

And then, daylight, with the orbs dancing on the dirt by our feet.

I wish for you the beginning of another beautiful, magical day.

Love,
Marie

Shifting my focus

Week one passed so quickly.

During the prayer service this morning, a woman brought her guitar upfront to play and sing. None of us was familiar with the songs so we couldn’t sing along.

Last year, I LOVED the prayer service and was uplifted by the chance to belt out fun songs in a big group with guitar music. It bothered me that I couldn’t sing along. Her “performance” was cutting into my joyful song.

Throughout this trip, I have been trying not to compare it to my trip last year. I was thoughtful about making sure that I connected with others on this trip and that I participated in everything. I thought I had it covered.

But I suddenly realized that, because I was here before, I now had EXPECTATIONS and I wanted them to be met. Last year, I threw myself into each day and in fact, into each event. But now I had an idea of how things “should” be, and I liked them that way. I liked doing my own joyful singing during the prayer service last year. I wasn’t ready for someone else to take the stage and share her joyful singing.

As I considered this, I also noticed that I was spending time looking forward to events, which was fun but distracting me from fully immersing myself in the event happening right now. For example, when the prayer service was not making me happy, my mind wandered to think about our upcoming trip to the waterfall, which I loved last year and looked forward to again. Further, because I wasn’t really experiencing the present moment, the time was passing without my noticing. Hence, the quickly passing week.

So, I shifted my attention to be more present. This service didn’t have as much singing, but it was still lovely. And when another woman rose to sing, I decided to try and pay attention and not escape into some fun fantasy.

She launched into Ave Maria and I felt transported by her beautiful voice. I looked at her standing in the front of the room. She appeared to be very plain and almost timid so the voice was a surprise. As I continued to look at her, I saw a white shadow around her head.

I blinked to refocus my eyes, and it slowly formed again. It was close around her head but not symmetrical. As she sang and I watched, the white shadow pulsed and grew around her head and expanded to include her right shoulder. Soon, a small rainbow of colors appeared close to her head, but the white was still the largest and had the strongest pulsating life.

If I had escaped into my little fantasyland, I would have completely missed that.

I hope you are fully enjoying whatever moment you are in, and then as it passes, fully enjoying the next one.

Love and light,
Marie