Thank you for all your good feelings and good wishes last week. It helped so much. By Monday afternoon, I was on my way to feeling much better.
I was also on my way to see John of God, who was scheduled to be at the Omega Institute in Rhinebeck, NY. I recovered enough to drive there and, honestly, I believe I was carried there safely by spiritual entities. I am so grateful that I made it, especially because I knew that was where I needed to be at that time.
In the past, each time I saw John of God in Brazil, I experienced lots of fun coincidences. More than that, I walked away changed to my core and receiving at least one big message. I wasn’t sure what to expect from Omega.
The fun coincidences showed up. For example, my friend Kate told me to look for her friend Gillian. In a sea of 1600 people, all of whom were wearing white and doing introspective soul work, what are the odds? But the next day, standing in line, I turned to the woman behind me and said, “You wouldn’t happen to be Kate’s friend, Gillian?” Bingo!
Happily, I can say that I do feel changed as a result of this experience. In fact, I feel wonderful in so many ways. The simplest way to describe it is to say that I feel great peace and health.
Finally, I received a message this time as well: Forgiveness. This word came from many directions and in many forms. The topic came up in random conversations with strangers. People would spontaneously begin discussing ho`oponopono (a Hawaiian forgiveness prayer) with me. I heard that voice in my head that told me that now is time for forgiveness. When we said the Lord’s Prayer, the words “as we forgive those who trespass against us” sounded louder than the rest.
I don’t feel like I harbor any grudges or walk around bearing ill will. I assumed this meant day-to-day forgiveness, like toward people who are inadvertently rude to me or annoying. I got excited – I was up for that! I could be a light of forgiveness, with bad things just bouncing off and away. This would be awesome!
Then I randomly met Donna at lunch. We soon discovered that we not only had mutual interests but a mutual friend. Later, I ran into her again, and she made a comment that went straight to my core and illuminated grudges that I harbor that are so old and so much a part of me that I don’t even realize I am carrying them. These are the kind of grudges that drive my daily behavior, that define who I am. Dropping these grudges would be like cutting out a part of me.
Forgiveness suddenly did not feel so easy or fun.
I know that when I get these messages, I need to listen and act. Not knowing where to start, I began with trust. I asked for help and promised to do the work that is in front of me, even if only one step at a time. Here goes.
With love, gratitude, and, hopefully, the beginning of humble forgiveness,
Marie
Adventures in Spiritual Living 
I always love to read about your coincidences & messages Marie! Althought the flavors we receive are different, you know I am also a big believer in these! I am so happy that you had such a wonderful experience!
What an important message for all of us! I am so glad you got to go. May the many blessings you received there continue to lift you and heal you. And thanks for shining the light for all of us. xxoo
So powerful! A message we all should take seriously… Hmm…. going to bring that into my quiet time. I didn’t realize it was John of God that you were heading to. No wonder there was no option but to go. Glas your parents will be up. I will try and swing by. When do they arrive? When do they leave? I can make that window on Thursday. I will be working at 1010 Memorial Drive and will zip over from there. Let me know when you know the timing 🙂 In my thoughts and prayers. xo
I am in awe of you, Marie. Seriously in awe. Your introspection and clarity are inspiring. As are your willingness to share the nitty gritty shitty parts of life, especially with those of us who are not so brave. I adore you!
xoxo Jaime
What a remarkable coincidence – I’m facilitating a brief discussion on Forgiveness in Sunday School. The Spirit IS moving. We’re praying for you today, Marie.
Forgive me for not staying in better touch! I think of you often. Your post last week was hard to read, but I’m glad you share the ups and the downs. Both are an important part of your experience and I care about both. I was happy to hear you had another meaningful experience with John of God. It’s interesting what you say about grudges and identity – who are we without our grudges? Right now, S is having a difficult situation with someone and definitely holding an active grudge, and I keep thinking he just needs to fix it and move on, but it’s not obvious how it’s done, and his grudges are part of him, as is his tendency to hold a grudge. I’m sure he’d be a better person without them, but maybe not quite the same person. In any case, I’m pretty sure he wouldn’t appreciate my advice on it :-).
Yesterday, I had my first regular mammogram since the cancer diagnosis. I was unexpectedly emotional. I’ll hear the results in a week. I’m pretty sure everything will be normal, but I’m afraid.
-Gina
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Gina,
I’m just getting back online – I’m sorry for the delay. I totally understand the anxiety around the scan (“scanxiety”) – let me know how it goes. One thing is that often, if it is bad, they let you know right away. So the wait doesn’t mean anything in itself.
Love,
Marie
Marie, thank you. I have struggled with forgiveness for as long as I can remember. In fact, you may be amused to learn that I vividly remember your post of a few years back about somebody who was unexpectedly rude and mean to you while you were in your car. It went right to my heart — so hurtful and hard to let go of. It’s all the more painful if you are extremely sensitive to begin with, and place great value on kindness (as I know you do). Anyway, I found this post a few months ago while struggling with feelings of betrayal, and it really helped me. http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-forgive-when-you-dont-really-want-to/
Always praying for you, and I send you much love.
My little boy just asked me this morning the definition of forgive. He wanted me to look it up (“Google it, Mom!”) so I read the definition to him. He said, “So, it’s like changing your attitude.” I really like that take on forgiveness. It’s like my favorite Wayne Dyer quote, “When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” I’ve harbored old grudges without knowing it too, then I’ll get a new perspective on it and forgiveness finally comes. I also think there are stages to forgiveness. We don’t necessarily forgive all at once. Sending you much love Marie!