The boys had their birthdays this weekend, turning 13 and 10. One is becoming a teenager, and the other is entering double digits. A significant birthday for each of them.
It is significant for me too. I am keenly aware that I was diagnosed shortly after they turned 4 and 1 years old. I am in grateful awe that I am here to witness their growth and to share in these milestones. I honestly didn’t believe that I would make it this far, and that in itself is a miracle.
I am also grateful that this birthday for them is BEFORE I get the results of my CT scan on Tuesday. I can (try to) fully enjoy the day before dealing with whatever the CT scan may force me to deal with.
The doctors, I believe, anticipate growth. I wouldn’t be surprised at that news, based on some recent changes in my body. I can physically feel the growth of one of the tumors, I have pain more frequently and in new spots, and some lymph nodes are newly enlarged. None of those are good signs, though there is always a chance that things are “basically stable.”
Nevertheless, at my last appointment, for the first time, the doctors presented new chemo options for me to consider during these two weeks. This is so that, should the CT scan show growth, I will have had some time to mull the options and can make an on-the-spot decision about where to go next.
My two choices are FOLFOX (which includes a drug that gives neuropathy – I’ve had that before and it is not easy to live with) and Erbitux (which results in a “disfiguring” facial rash – also lovely). While I am grateful to have options, you have to admit that this is a difficult choice.
So I am hoping for stability and the ability to stick with the “devil I know.” In the meantime, I will celebrate the boys’ birthdays with a gratitude that I can!
Please send good vibes, as I send them straight back to you!