Change in Plans

Normally, I get my CT scans done at Dana Farber, but today’s scan was scheduled at a suburban location of Brigham and Women’s Hospital. I was to arrive at 8:30 a.m.

As scan locations go, it was actually perfect. It was close to my son’s school, so I could drop him off with a comfortable amount of time arrive for the scan prep. The building was easy to find and had ample parking. Walking in, the lobby was bright, the signs were clear, the halls were uncrowded.

When I entered the waiting area for the scan room, one other patient was calmly waiting in a seat. They had two people available for check-in. Both chatted in a friendly, welcoming way.

I decided that I would ALWAYS come here. Boston’s normally packed waiting room was filled with frenzy and anxiety. This place was calm and the air felt clean.

I filled out the form they handed to me….it was a different form than the one in Boston, but the questions were similar enough. One stood out, though: Are your veins difficult to access?

Since mine are, I really appreciated that question. To have any hope of finding a vein, I needed to be well-hydrated, which I was not. My veins roll, so the needle has trouble going in and they need to fish or re-stick. If and when they do get in, the valves are close together, so they typically don’t get a return and need to try again. All this results in huge blood bubbles under my skin and black and blue on top of my skin that doesn’t heal for a week or me.

I used to be polite and say okay. I didn’t want to hurt their feelings, and I wanted to be open to the chance that it might work. But they always gave up and said I needed an IV nurse, and I always arrived home with bruises. So now I know.

I told the nice nurse that I needed to use my port. She pointed to a vein on the back of my hand that looked good, but I know that vein is just a tease – it looks attainable but then rejects the stick as soon as they jab me.

No. I can come back another time.

She left and returned 10 minutes later. She said that she checked the schedules at all the locations where they have an IV nurse and they are full.

I can come another day.

They found an appointment for me at 4 p.m. today in Boston and verified that an IV nurse would still be there. So, I returned home to eat before I have to fast again, write this little note to you to ask you to continue to send good energy this way, and then will prepare to arrive in Boston at 2:30 (to allow time to do the port access and drink the drink).

I’m actually pretty calm about all this – the place felt too good to be true! It’s a bummer to lose this whole day to the scan, but that is the way it is going to go today. The primary bummer is that I repeatedly assured my son that I would pick him up from school, which I can no longer do. One by one, in his world, I am becoming the Queen of Broken Promises and Disappointments.

Thanks so much for your support. I hope the logistics of your day are much smoother, or, if there is a glitch, it is for the better!


14 thoughts on “Change in Plans

  1. Good grief, Marie. Don’t be so hard on yourself. Many moms (if not most) aren’t able to follow through in their promises with their kids. Working moms, especially. I would suggest that you don’t promise him and say you will pick him up from school if at all possible. Also find someone else who is fun to pick him up or slip in a quick putting that that person can do. You do so much just to survive and look at the world in a positive light. Be kind to yourself. You are amazing just as you are!

    • Ginny, you crack me up! Thanks for the perspective and most of all, the humor. I think that being totally exhausted (my husband was traveling again during my last chemo week) didn’t help. And yes – no more promises. Someone told me that they are good for conveying the feeling of commitment but they aren’t realistic. Thanks for the big boost, too. xoxo

  2. Ginny’s suggestion is great and a good teaching moment. Life happens. Sounds like you’re learning to roll with the punches life tosses at you. God bless.

  3. Kids are wonderfully resilient–he will understand! I hope drinking the contrast wasn’t too horrible (it has given me Trouble the last 2 times). Prayers for good results!

  4. Oh Marie. You get me every single time. From one Queen to another. Now I wish I’d rang the bell to see if you were home today. I grabbed the bag of toys and scooted out of there so as not to disturb anyone and to get out of the way of the Zoots van. Thank you for the toys. You are so kind and generous.

    Much love to you. Jaime

  5. Hi Marie, we met at Kripalu many years ago. We emailed each other a while back, I was worried about my pregnancy. Now I have an amazing, healthy, happy, playful, charming, adorable 7 month old baby boy and I feel like I hit the jackpot. I’ve continued to follow your blog all this time and I look to you as inspiration for how I want to mother my child. I think it’s time I told you so. Thank you. Lots of love, Sarah.

  6. Hi Marie, we met several years ago at Kripalu. We emailed each other a while back, I was worried about my pregnancy. Now I have an amazing, healthy, happy, charming, adorable 7 month old baby boy and I feel like I hit the jackpot. I have continued to follow your blog all this time and I look to you for inspiration for how I want to mother my child. I think it’s time I told you. Thank you. Lots of love, Sarah.

    • Oh, Sarah, YES I remember you!!! I actually recently came across your email to me (you sent it last year) and I was wondering how you are doing, how everything is going….It is wonderful to hear from you! I’m thrilled for your new life with your beautiful baby boy – how exciting! Thanks for reading and for living life from your heart. It makes a difference to all you touch and beyond. I’m sure you are an amazing mother. I can feel the warmth in your words.
      Lots of love, light and laughter to you always – thanks for staying in touch! Marie

  7. Hoping for good news for you today, but mostly hoping you will be easier on yourself…all mothers are the “Queens of Broken Promises and Disappointments”. It’s part of a job description that includes “impossible” as one of the search terms, and most of the rest of us don’t have the 1/2 the very good reasons you do let our kids down!

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