Thank you so very much for your prayers and positive thoughts. This round, I had an amazing string of days where I felt good and my energy was great.
When I was, years ago, first told that this was “stage 4,” I thought a lot about how to spend my time. Did I have a purpose in life that I needed to fulfill? What was the best way to spend my time? While I still don’t have an answer, I do notice and appreciate when I am able to do things that bring me joy.
Here is an example of something that I had energy for, that you enabled, and that brought me an insane amount of joy:
On Sunday morning I felt great. So I drove to church, parked, then bounded through the cold rain and up the steps to enter the building.
Just ahead of me was an older couple. He stood on the top step in front of the heavy wooden doors, tentatively reaching for the handle as he leaned on his cane. Behind him, she held tightly to the railing to steady herself as she climbed the last of the wet steps.
She saw me, but I didn’t want to startle him by rushing past, so just before I reached him, I warned him by saying, “I’ll open that for you.”
He slowly looked over at me and said, “Thank you.” The three of us walked inside together, then I headed a different direction to find a seat.
During communion, I saw them walking together. He wasn’t using his cane but grabbed and leaned into each pew as he went by.
And then, when I left, I saw them AGAIN. We were alone by the doors to exit and we spoke for a bit. They introduced themselves with their lovely Irish accents and told me that he has trouble getting around, but they don’t have a diagnosis yet.
“It’s hard getting old,” they joked.
Once outside, we noticed that the rain had turned to a wintry mix and the walk to the car was potentially slippery. So I walked alongside them until we reached their car, now covered in slushy mess.
“Let me clean the windows for you,” I said.
“Thank you,” she said appreciatively. “I will give you something to help.” They got into their car, then she handed me a bundle of tissues from her purse.
“I’ll be right back,” I told her, as if they were going to run off. And then, I was able to zip to my car, get my snow brush, and return to their car to clean the windows.
This whole event amazes and thrills me in so many ways. That I could NOT be preoccupied with pain, nausea, discomfort, etc. and be able to notice people around me. That I could notice what they might need. And that I could actually have the energy to help. I loved all that. And I appreciated they were gracious receivers, because that allowed me to have this whole experience.
I still have no idea of my grand purpose in life. But that experience was so incredibly fun, I’m hoping that is part of it all.
I hope that you can step into an opportunity that brings you joy, today and always. Thank you for all you do that enables me to spend my time this way.