You get what you need

“It will be fine,” said my aunt.

“Everything is in Divine Order,” shared my friend, Al (quoting HIS aunt, Gloria).

Thank you for your prayers, positive thoughts and supportive messages.

I drove to Dana Farber this morning in a dark rain, the kind that feels like it will last all day.

The doctor said that the scans showed no new disease but some growth of the current “minimal disease.” My CEA (tumor marker) is at 170. My last CEA was something like 70; normal is 2.5 and below.

Basically, we are watching three tumors. The one between my liver and diaphragm is stable. Yay! The two in my pelvis – one on my right and one on my left – are showing growth.

After discussing several treatment options with respect to our summer vacation plans, we decided to schedule another scan followed by some chemo appointments for August. I could call if I changed my mind and wanted to start chemo right away.

By the time I finished my appointment, the rain stopped completely and the sun started to break through the clouds.

This afternoon, I was lucky enough to go for a row with Lisa. When I arrived at the boathouse, she introduced me to Sara Hall, the author of the book I’ve been reading (Drawn to the Rhythm). Sara started rowing in her 40’s and, in three years, went from novice to World Masters Champion in the women’s single shell. On the dock, I got to watch the women’s quad, who are headed to Henley tomorrow. Both meetings infused me with the sense of endless possibilities, no matter where you begin.

The river carried post-rainstorm detritus and the current was quick. The sun was now shining in all its glory and the surface of the water was calm with very few rowers.

I set off and rowed directly into the next dock. With a little help, I got on the right course and the rest of the row was beautiful and smooth and amazing and soul-filled.

The beginning of summer vacation, with everything truly fine and in Divine Order. Thank you for your prayers, helping to bring all this about. I hope that you can feel the fine Divine Order happening in your life, or at least trust that it is revealing itself.


13 thoughts on “You get what you need

  1. Hi Marie,
    You seem to be mastering the ability to see the perfect in each moment and help lift the rest of us up with you as a result…..
    Also wrestling with decisions based on my own numbers jumping up….how to keep perspective and faith…….keeping balance in a shell seems like a good metaphor….even with banging into a dock……I can imagine after some brief mortification, a good chuckle at oneself… but you then,”got on the right course” and had a beautiful time of it. Brava!

    • Thanks, Mary. Yikes on the numbers but you are here and you can deal with it. It is the cards we are dealt but only one of them and we are still in the game!
      As for rowing, that is exactly how it felt! You got it!
      See you soon.

  2. Marie, I’m glad you’ve got a plan. More than one, and that your joy for living is never diminished.


    • Thanks, Kitty. No, we planned around that. Mostly, we were trying to decide whether it was worth doing two chemo sessions and then taking another break so soon, so that I could travel, which may give me all the side effects and few of the benefits. Ideal from a treatment perspective probably would have been to reschedule the trip. But I go in for a scan the day after I return home and that should be fine.

    • Thank you! And you enjoy your summer as well,, in whatever way you row (roll – ha ha – little play on words there – tee hee). BTW was thinking of you yesterday while I was on the beach, grateful for what you have taught me and hoping the day was a particularly good one for you.

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